


An Avian Aggravation

by mikkimouse



Series: Valentine's Extravaganza III [13]
Category: Castlevania (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Humor, M/M, Mid-Season 2, Soulmates, Trope Bingo Round 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkimouse/pseuds/mikkimouse
Summary: Trevor didn't know magic, not really. But he'd heard enough stories to guess where this was going. "Sypha, did you summon a goose that's going to guide Alucard to his one true love?"Alucard choked. "You what?""No!" Sypha flipped between two pages in the book and hesitated. "Well...maybe?""What?!" Alucard repeated.
Relationships: Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya/Trevor Belmont
Series: Valentine's Extravaganza III [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619959
Comments: 69
Kudos: 748
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	An Avian Aggravation

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Oh, I missed posting Wednesday, so I'll just post the Castlevania fic on Sunday.  
> Castlevania: *[drops trailer for season 3](https://twitter.com/NXOnNetflix/status/1228363018855018497)*  
> Me: Never fucking mind; I'm posting it tonight.
> 
> This will fill the "Soulbonding/Soulmates" square on my [Trope Bingo board](https://mad-madam-m.dreamwidth.org/17415.html), because the moment I saw a soulmate prompt on it I knew I _had_ to do the Soulmate Goose of Enforcement. XD And let's be real, a soulmate goose chasing Alucard? _Classic._

Trevor woke to the sound of furious honking. 

He scrambled to his feet only half-awake; if he'd accidentally fallen asleep near a goose's nest, he needed to get as far away as he could before the goose decided he was a threat that deserved to lose an eye. Or two. 

Trevor made it three steps before his brain finally registered that he was in the Belmont library, not outside. Right. He'd come up to another floor to take a nap because Alucard and Sypha were deep in a "discussion" about some spell or other (which meant they were arguing, just with fewer curse words than Trevor and Alucard usually employed) and Trevor figured it was as good a time as any to get a little bit of rest. 

So why the hell was he hearing a goose? Surely one hadn't somehow fallen into the library.

Trevor leaned over the railing along the third floor to see if he could spot the goose. Maybe he was hearing things. Wouldn't be a surprise if he was; the magic in this place was old and strange. 

Another burst of honking echoed through the library, followed by the sound of someone running. His hand immediately went to his hip; if either Sypha or Alucard were running, then he didn't know what was honking, but it couldn't be a goose. 

A second later, Alucard sprinted past on the first floor. Not ten steps behind him, keeping pace pretty well with a half-vampire who could move _very_ quickly, was...a goose. 

A perfectly ordinary white goose. 

And Alucard was _running_ from it. 

Trevor was hallucinating; that was the only explanation. There was no way Alucard, son of Dracula, the most infuriatingly aloof man Trevor had ever met, the man who thought it was _beneath_ him to knee someone in the balls, was running from a _goose_. 

Trevor sat on the edge of the floor, letting his legs dangle off the side, and leaned against the pole beside him. A few seconds later, Alucard walked back into view, wiping off his sword and looking irritated about it. 

"Were you really just running from a fucking goose?" Trevor called down.

Alucard glanced up at him, quickly enough that Trevor guessed he hadn't realized he had company. "It's dead now."

Trevor clucked his tongue. "What did you do to piss it off so much?" 

"I didn't do anything, it—" 

" _HONK!_ "

The goose burst out over the shelves on the first floor, scattering books and flying straight for Alucard. 

"What the _fuck—_ " Alucard started, and then took off like the night horde was at his heels. But it was not the night horde. It was a fucking immortal _goose_. __  
  
Trevor fell backward, laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. 

"Thank you so much for your assistance, Belmont," Alucard snapped from below him. 

Trevor dragged himself back into a sitting position and peered down, where Alucard was now engaged in a standoff with an outraged waterfowl. "The fuck do you want me to do?"

"You have a whip," Alucard said testily. "Use your imagination, if it hasn't atrophied under the amount of alcohol you consume."

"And you have a sword," Trevor reminded him. "Which you literally just used to murder that thing a minute ago, and it's still breathing. I don't know what the fuck you think my whip's going to do aside from piss it off more."

The goose hissed and snapped at Alucard, driving him toward the stairs. 

"Perhaps you could just provide a _distraction_ , then?" Alucard shouted. 

"I could try, but it seems pretty intent on you," Trevor said. "Why _is_ it chasing you, anyway?" 

"If I knew, I would know how to make it _stop!_ "

The goose lunged, and Alucard danced up the next few steps to avoid its beak. Trevor _howled_ with laughter; this was easily the best entertainment he'd had in years. 

Alucard spared him an icy glare. "Go fuck yourself, Belmont." 

Trevor flipped him off. "Kiss my ass, goosefucker." 

Sypha dashed out from behind one of the shelves, holding a massive book under one arm. She reached out with her free hand and sent a blast of fire at the goose, which didn't so much as singe its feathers.

"Careful with the fire!" Trevor shouted. "Or do you want to burn us all alive?" 

"I was _trying_ to get rid of the goose," Sypha shouted back. 

"Alucard already tried that," Trevor said. "Apparently it's immortal." 

Sypha cursed. "I was afraid of that." 

That had Trevor sitting up straighter. " _You_ were afraid of that? Is this goose your fault?" 

Now Sypha was glaring at him. "It's not my fault!"

"It's _absolutely_ your fault." Alucard was halfway up the stairs now, still losing a battle of wills with the hissing goose. "This thing didn't show up until after you cast the spell." 

"Oh, fuck, it's a _magic_ immortal goose?" Trevor swung his legs back onto the floor and stood. "What the hell did you do, Sypha?" 

"It was a guiding spell!" Sypha set the book on a table and started paging through it. "It's supposed to summon an animal guide to lead us somewhere. I thought we could use it to lead us to Dracula's castle, but it appears to be more specific than that. I think it was mistranslated, so I'm looking at the source again." 

Trevor started over to the stairs. It wasn't like he could do a _lot_ against an immortal magic goose, but it being magic meant they could probably find a way to dismiss the summoning. "Apparently it summons an animal that will harass the nearest vampire for the rest of eternity." 

"That is _not_ what it does," Sypha muttered. 

"Are you _sure?_ " Alucard said dryly. 

She shot another glare at both of them and went back to the book. "There is a bit here that explains what it does, but I'm having trouble translating it. Something about an...inner match? Or, no, I think it may mean heart or soul or something like that..." 

Trevor stopped where he was and stared down at her. "A heart match?" 

Sypha didn't look up from the book. "Yes, I think that's right. Closer, anyway."

Trevor didn't know magic, not really. But he'd heard enough stories to guess where this was going. "Sypha, did you summon a goose that's going to guide Alucard to his one true love?" 

Alucard choked. "You what?"

"No!" Sypha flipped between two pages in the book and hesitated. "Well...maybe?" 

" _What?!_ " Alucard repeated. 

Trevor covered his face with his hand. "Oh my fucking God." 

The goose jumped, flapping its wings, chasing Alucard the rest of the way up the stairs to the third floor. "Does it say how to get _rid_ of it?" he yelled. 

Sypha paged frantically through the book. "I'm looking!" 

Trevor sighed and took his whip off his belt. It wasn't going to hurt the goose, apparently, but maybe it would give them another thirty seconds of quiet. The unending honking was giving him a headache. 

He snapped the whip in front of the goose, which only drove it into the air, honking irately and flapping toward Alucard. Trevor groaned and ran up to plant himself in between Alucard and the goose, which was almost certainly the most _ridiculous_ thing he'd ever done. 

The goose stopped honking and landed on the floor in front of them. It waddled in a circle, like it was just looking for something to eat and hadn't spent the past several minutes chasing Alucard all over the library. 

Trevor scratched the back of his neck. "Huh. Maybe I did scare it." 

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, it looks absolutely terrified." 

"I can let it go back to chasing you all over the fucking library, if you'd like," Trevor shot back. 

The goose settled at their feet and started preening its wings. 

"This is absurd," Alucard said. "I'm going to help Sypha." 

He strode toward the staircase. 

The goose exploded up from its position near Trevor's feet and flew at Alucard, harassing him with honks and flapping wings until he was back at Trevor's side. 

Alucard stared at the goose. "Well, I guess I'm not helping Sypha if the only way this stupid goose is calm is if I'm near you." 

Trevor opened his mouth to snap something back—he had a comeback—when he realized what that likely _meant_ and choked on his words. He could only stare at Alucard, who first looked at him like he was mad and then, _then_ Trevor saw the dawning horror of realization on his face. 

Good. Trevor didn't want to be the only one having a breakdown about this. 

Alucard covered his face with his hands. "Oh, you've got to be _shitting_ me." 

"You got a fucking _broken_ magic goose." Trevor poked at it with the toe of his boot, and the goose gave him a supremely unimpressed look in return. "There's no way that I—that we—" 

Trevor wasn't _anybody's_ true love, never mind a condescending half-vampire who had the gall to lecture Trevor about having class when he was half-naked and wearing skintight leather pants. 

The goose looked between the two of them and honked. 

"Sypha, please tell me you've found a way to get rid of this godforsaken thing," Alucard called over his shoulder.

"The only thing I've found is that...maybe you kiss whoever it leads you to? I think this means kiss." The sound of rapidly flipping pages carried up to them. "Give me a moment. I might be able to try something else." 

"How long are we going to be stuck up here?" Trevor asked. "Held hostage by a fucking goose. I've never been so grateful to know my entire family is dead."

Alucard cursed under his breath and grabbed Trevor's wrist. 

Trevor looked down at his wrist, and then back up again at Alucard, who was suddenly much closer than he had been a moment before. "Just what the fuck do you think you're doing?" 

"Getting rid of that stupid goose." 

That was all the warning Trevor had before Alucard kissed him.

It wasn't that Trevor had never been kissed before. He had, and often. But usually there was some mutual attraction—or at least a mutual desire to get off—before that happened. He and Alucard had tried to kill each other when they'd first met and Trevor was only sixty percent certain Alucard wouldn't try to kill him again before this mad quest was finished. 

He was a _fantastic_ kisser, though. Really, it wasn't fucking fair that the man be _that_ beautiful and _this_ good with his mouth.

Trevor fisted his hand in Alucard's shirt and kissed him back fiercely, partly because why the hell _not_ and partly because he'd be damned if he let Alucard say he was a shitty kisser in return. Alucard growled, somewhere deep in his throat that Trevor felt more than heard, and felt it only because he was actively exploring Alucard's mouth with his tongue. Some part of his brain recognized the warning, but that part of his brain was rapidly drowned out by most of the blood in his body shooting straight for his cock.

Alucard grabbed Trevor's shirt and bodily shoved him into the nearest shelf. For one split second, Trevor was convinced this was how he was going to die, except that Alucard was breathing heavily and his golden gaze was fixed intently on Trevor's mouth. 

The goose honked. 

Trevor would have jumped out of his skin if Alucard hadn't had a hold on him. "Fucking _pissfucker_ goose, I'm going to—" 

The goose flapped its wings and vanished in a puff of blue smoke and swirling feathers. 

Oh. Well. So kissing had gotten rid of the goose, then. 

He glanced back to Alucard, who was staring at the spot where the goose had been. He still hadn't let go of Trevor. 

Which, Trevor could privately admit to himself, was fine with him, because he would really like to be kissing Alucard _again_ if at all possible. 

Alucard slowly dragged his eyes back to Trevor, his focus flicking from his eyes to his mouth. For Trevor's part, his attention was pretty solidly on Alucard's mouth. 

Then Alucard dropped his hands to his sides and stepped away. "Sorry." 

Before Trevor could react to that, Alucard was gone, vanishing even faster than the goose. 

***

Trevor did not go looking for Alucard immediately. Whatever it was, it seemed like he wanted to be alone, and Trevor knew a little bit about what that was like. 

When he finally went searching several hours later, he found Alucard somewhere in the depths of the library, staring at a painting Trevor had forgotten existed. 

Trevor stood several steps behind him and waited. Alucard knew he was there; he was sure of it. 

"Which ancestors of yours are these, Belmont?" Alucard asked without turning around. 

Trevor cleared his throat. "My parents, actually." 

At that, Alucard stiffened and while he didn't turn around, Trevor swore he glanced back. "Oh." Alucard gestured to the small, dark-haired child in one corner. "Is that you?" 

"No, that's my brother." Trevor took a deep breath and debated whether to admit the truth, and then decided _fuck it_. He stepped forward and pointed to the chubby-cheeked baby in a white christening dress sitting in his mother's lap. "That's me." 

Alucard's eyebrows flew to his hairline. 

"Laugh and I'll gut you," Trevor warned. 

"I confess, I never thought of you as a baby," Alucard said. "I thought you sprang into existence fully grown and drunk." 

Trevor rolled his eyes. "Well, now you know the truth. Would I find any baby portraits of you in Dracula's castle? Or did you just climb out of a coffin one day?" 

"We had several portraits made," Alucard said. "I remember sitting for them as a child in my mother's house. She didn't think she could get a painter to come into the castle." 

Trevor snorted. "Doubt it." 

"Were they happy?" Alucard asked out of nowhere.

Who the fuck was he talking about? "Who?" 

Alucard nodded at the painting. "Your parents." 

Oh hell. He hadn't thought about that in years, and he'd been so young when they'd died. Trevor dredged through his memory and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't remember," he admitted. "I think so. Were yours?" 

"Yes," Alucard said quietly. "Very much so. I always thought...I hoped I might find that as well, when I was a child." He sighed. "Foolish, I suppose. Humans fear me and vampires see me as a half-breed mutt."

Ah, so they were doing this now, were they? Then again, with the damn goose pointing out Alucard's one true love, Trevor supposed they couldn't avoid it forever. "Oh, come on," he said. "Humans don't fear you." He certainly didn't, anyway, and that was the salient point at the moment. 

Alucard gave him a flat look. "We are literally standing in a library filled to the brim with centuries of knowledge, acquired by humans, focused solely on how to kill vampires. An archive entirely dedicated to one half of my heritage destroying the other. Built by _your_ family, I might add."

All right, _yes_ , they had a lot of issues to work through. Trevor flung his arm at the library. "Built because there _are_ monsters out there, and there have been for centuries, and someone needs to protect innocent people from them. That's why you've allied with us, isn't it?" 

Alucard looked away, his jaw working. "As far as your ancestors are concerned, I'm one of those monsters."

"Considering they're all fucking _dead_ , who gives a shit what they think?" Trevor gestured at him. "Besides, your parents made it work, apparently." 

"And look how that turned out for them," Alucard snapped. "My mother is dead and my father is hellbent on destroying the world on his way to destroying himself." 

"Well, that's true, but..." Trevor wasn't _good_ at this sort of thing, why the fuck was he even trying? "You _literally_ just said they were happy when you were a child. If the Church hadn't gone and fucked everything up, they probably still would be. And they probably weren't the only ones over the past fuck knows how many centuries."

Alucard stared at him. "How are you even remotely optimistic about this situation?"

Trevor wiped his hands over his face and groaned. "Look, you're standing here glaring at a portrait of my family in the remains of my ancestral home while we're attempting to find our way to _your_ ancestral home to kill your father, and earlier today a fucking magic goose beat us into admitting we're a 'heart match,' whatever the fuck that is. It's either try to make sense of this shit or head for the wine cellar." 

Alucard scoffed. "The wine cellar might be preferable." 

Trevor threw up his hands. "Fine, then. I need a fucking drink after all this."

He turned to walk away. This was what he got for trying to be helpful. 

"We don't—" Alucard started, and cut himself off. 

Trevor paused, waiting to see if he'd say anything else. It was just two words, but it was the most vulnerable Alucard had sounded with this entire conversation. 

"It doesn't have to mean anything," Alucard said. His gaze was fixed very firmly on the portrait. "It's just...the magic showing us something that could be. What to do about it is our choice."

"I do know how magic works," Trevor reminded him. "I'm not going to fuck you just because a magic goose told me to." 

Alucard raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed exasperatedly. " _Must_ you be so crude? It's not about sex. It's about..." 

He trailed off again, although this time Trevor had a feeling it was less because he couldn't find the words and more because he didn't actually want to utter the words aloud. Not that Trevor could blame him. 

"It's about a heart match," Trevor supplied, because he had never met a delicate situation he couldn't stomp all over. "Tender feelings. A one true love. I know it will come as a shock to you, but I _was_ paying attention."

Alucard pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Oh, for fuck's sake." 

Trevor barreled on, ignoring the interruption. "Look, God knows we barely tolerate each other, and I'm _well_ aware that I'm nobody's idea of a one true anything. But—and again, I know this will shock you—I don't actually hate you. I came looking for you to see how you were doing. And if you, I don't know, wanted to try kissing again at some point in the future, I'd be all right with that." 

Alucard dropped his hand away from his face and stared at Trevor in open disbelief, and _right_ , that was more than enough vulnerability for today. Time to head on to the wine cellar and not leave it.

"Just all right?" Alucard asked quietly. 

It was enough to stop Trevor in his tracks. Again. "What, are you expecting some poetic fucking declaration of my undying love?" 

"The only poetry I expect from you is curse words," Alucard retorted. 

Trevor shrugged. "The best I can do right now is 'don't hate the idea.'"

Suddenly, Alucard was in front of him, and Trevor was halfway to having his whip out just on instinct. "For fuck's—" 

"To be clear," Alucard cut in, "you don't hate the idea of being a heart match for me." 

Trevor held up his whip. "If you're going to rub it in, I'm going to wrap this around your neck and squeeze."

Alucard just raised an eyebrow. "And if I told you the feeling was mutual?" 

"I'm surprised. I would've thought you'd be more for ripping throats out than strangling them." 

"I meant about the _heart match_ , Belmont."

The _you idiot_ was silent, but Trevor heard it loud and clear. "So, you don't hate the idea either?" 

Alucard looked away. "I...no. I don't hate the idea." 

"Well." Trevor clapped Alucard's shoulder. "Something we can agree on. Sypha will never believe it. And if it works out, we'll have a hell of a story to tell the children someday." 

Alucard scoffed. "'We were on our way to kill my father when we were attacked by an angry magical goose who forced us into our first kiss.' Yes, that'll be one to repeat at the dinner table."

"That's probably a better story for the children than 'When we first met, I kneed your father in the balls and two minutes later, he threatened to rip out my throat with his teeth,'" Trevor said.

That pulled a more genuine smile out of Alucard. "Don't forget that you threatened to gut me in that same conversation." 

"Oh, no, can't forget that." Trevor started back down the row of shelves. "It's not a real courtship until one of you runs the risk of spilling the other's intestines on your shirt." 

"'His first pet name for me was "floating vampire Jesus."'" Alucard fell into step beside him. "'Truly, it was the height of romance.'" 

"'I could tell he loved me by the tone of his voice every time he said "fuck you."'"

Alucard shot him a sly smile. "'When he told me to eat shit and die, I thought I might swoon.'"

Trevor wheezed with laughter and had to grab the nearest shelf for support. Alucard's sly smile transformed into a larger, genuine grin, and a moment later, he was laughing as well. 

It was nice, in that moment, not to be the only one amused by the sheer fucking _absurdity_ of the entire situation. 

When Trevor finally caught his breath, he straightened back up, swiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, this is fucked."

Alucard was still smiling. "Indeed. Although I suppose neither of us should've expected anything else, all things considered." 

"That's the fucking truth," Trevor agreed. Nothing in his life had gone right or had even gone close to according to plan. Finding out his one true love was Alucard, of all the fucking people in Wallachia, didn't even come close to topping the list of weird shit that had happened to him. "Still up for exploring that wine cellar?" 

"I am," Alucard said. "Or...you indicated you wouldn't mind kissing again, at some point in the future." 

Suddenly something much more appealing than the wine cellar was before him. Trevor cleared his throat. "Ah. Yes. I said that." 

Alucard found something _fascinating_ to study on the wall behind him. "That is another area in which we are agreed." 

"Really?" Trevor took a step closer to him. "And when would some point in the future be for you?" 

That got Alucard's attention back to him, although said attention was focused on Trevor's mouth. "...Now?" 

"Amazing," Trevor said. "Another thing we agree on." 

"Will wonders never cease," Alucard murmured. 

Trevor could have said something back, really, but they were only inches apart now and while sarcasm had its place, he could think of many better uses for his mouth right now. 

Making Alucard moan with it was right at the top of the list.

**Author's Note:**

> Herbert first appeared in [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17252060) and since then, I have decided any time I write a goose, it's Herbert, regardless of whether said goose is a Soulmate Goose of Enforcement. If you find Herbert as amusing as I do, please feel free to use him in your own fics. He's a multidimensional traveling goose!
> 
> Come see me on:  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mad_madam_m)  
> [Tumblr](https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/)  
> [Dreamwidth](https://mad-madam-m.dreamwidth.org/)  
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